You: a kinky person trying to meet other kinky people and have fantastic sex. Your city: vibrant, diverse, bustling metropolis. Sex clubs: out there, somewhere – but how to find them?

Finding the kinkiest swinger parties and sex clubs in California

If you’re an adventurous person living in or visiting one of California’s urban areas, you owe it to yourself to partake of its parties and sex clubs. After all, there are not many other states with such an active community of sexual adventurers – from NorCal to SoCal, there are bound to be like-minded folks that share your preferences or could help you experiment with something new. Whether you’re new to the lifestyle or new to an area, the question remains: how to find the best parties and clubs? In the midst of so many options, many of them easily tracked down online, it’s like sifting through sand to find a hidden gem.

1. Track down local events (but behave yourself!)

The first and best method for finding clubs and parties in your city (whether you’re on-site or not) is to connect with like-minded people. Whether you’re in San Bruno or San Clemente, there are always options to be found. If you’re polyamorous, join a meet-up group and ask other attendees where they hang out; if you identify as transgender, find fellow activists online and attend marches, protests, and meetings. If you’re a swinger, browse online forums and try to make connections with people in your area, whether or not they’re interested in doing the deed. A big club or venue might have an army of publicists and marketers at its beck and call, but fellow human beings who are cavorting all over the city will give you the gist on what’s sketchy and what’s sexy.

An important disclaimer: different parties and clubs have different behavioral protocols. Just like you wouldn’t show up to a black tie wedding in a pair of dirty flip-flops, make sure you familiarize yourself with a group or location’s standards. Is it a swanky BDSM soiree? Dress up, and bring the necessary supplies. Is it a casual meet-up that might lead to a threesome? Wear clothes you could shed at a moment’s notice (and a host gift wouldn’t hurt). Is the dresscode strictly nude? Wear your best trenchcoat on BART, and then leave it at the coat check.

2. Go online

Even though other people will be your best resource, there are still helpful details to be found online. A cursory search of San Francisco sex clubs yields more than nine pages of results, plus the map shows you where the most of the action takes place. A bit of scouring online can help orient you in a new place, especially cities whose neighborhoods change block to block. If you’re relocating, for example, and want to be close to all the kink, you’d best not move to the Outer Sunset.

3. Use Apps

If the Internet yields a bunch of yawn-inducing Yelp reviews, try heading to your local sex shop! Employees there can often point you towards groups that specialize in specific fetishes, or fri clubs have theme nights que more tailored to what gets you hot. Exclusive, invite-only clubs and parties will rely much more on who you know than how well you use the search engine, so start making friends on the aisle where you shop most.

4. Start your own!

Not seeing a group or club that suits your particular needs? Start one yourself, but be careful how you advertise. If you’re already active in online forums (like Sexlog), use connections there to get the word out. The party at your place or an off-site location can be as intimate or the no-holds-barred as you want it to be, depending on how you advertise. For something manageable and small, stick to emails or private, secure online listings; for something a little more public, think sites like GroupDesire or the Facebook group or event.

The good news? Sexlog is here to help you with all of these questions, and to connect you with fellow members of the kink community. If these guidelines have you in a tizzy, never fear: there’s a new resource at your fingertips. Start your own events, browse other members’, and form a tight-knit community in your own California backyard.

Have fun, be safe, and explore – you never know just what you’ll find.