Good news, friends: it’s 2015, and you can have any kind of sex life you want. If you’re unsatisfied or have found yourself in a rut, consider swinging: an arrangement where you and your partner have a defined relationship, but can also have sex with other people. So you can have dinner with your boyfriend and dessert with the guy you met last week, where “dessert” might allude to more than baked goods (but no one’s saying you can’t have cake, too).

So: where do I start?

Swingers meet in a variety of ways, from Yelp-reviewed clubs like San Francisco’s famous Armory, to low-key, invite-only meet & greets, to the wild west of the World Wide Web. Confused? Fear not, you have two things going for you: you live in California, and you have access to the Internet.

California, with its open-mindedness and visible sexual community, presents unique opportunities you would not necessarily find in, say, the middle of Nebraska. And relax, you don’t have to look through Craigslist to find some fun. Just do a quick Google search for “swinger club” in a city near you.

Then, take your pick. Some of our favorites: web-cam extravaganzas at the Armory, the Bay Area’s Power Exchange (which one reviewer described as a “strip club without the strippers”), or Los Angeles’ Club Joy (praised by first-timers the relaxed and welcoming, with its peek-a-boo showers and dance floor).

I’m confused: is it swinging, or is it polyamory?

Swinging differs from polyamory in that it does not always involve commitment – once everyone’s gotten off, you can bask in the afterglow knowing that you may or may not want to keep seeing that person. You might spend multiple, sheet-shredding evenings with a particular kinky couple, but when you see them at the coffee shop, you only nod hello. Swinging is, in a nutshell, what you make of it, whereas polyamory involves relationships that extend beyond just sex.

Now, it’s time to set some boundaries.

What are you willing or not willing to do? Under the umbrella term of “swinging” are many other sexual preferences:

  • Voyeurism (someone watches while you get it on),
  • Exhibitionism (you want at least one other person watching while you get it on),
  • Threesomes or moresomes (three or more partners having sex at once),
  • English, French, or Greek (the preference for spanking, oral sex, and anal sex, respectively),
  • And so on, and so forth…

You’re probably thinking “Yikes!” right now, but don’t worry! Go to parties and relax; you’ll never be forced to do anything. Talk to people, watch, get a sense of the experience, and then you’ll be ready to set your limits. Remember — like any relationship, especially a sexual one, the golden rule is communication. Decide what you want, how you want it, what feels good, and how you’re going to tell your partner or partners.

Presenting your favorite new resource: Sexlog.

They say Brazil does it best (“they” being pretty much everyone), and they’re not wrong. Founded in Brazil as a way to unite the kink community in one online community, Sexlog is making its U.S. debut!

If you’re into sex clubs, kink, and meeting like-minded people, go ahead and bookmark Sexlog: more than 4 million Brazilians have already caught on. Pleasure is Sexlog’s business, so start exploring now to share your favorite spots, engage with other users, and expand your horizons.

Then, proceed to the sex life of your dreams, with whoever, whenever!